If I had 1 word to describe how my life is, right now, it would be - SLOW. It's the same routine of getting up, doing my morning yoga, attending calls while sipping my morning tea and gulping down my breakfast, taking some more calls, trying to introduce some routine in my son's life, running around until it is time to call it a day. Sounds paradoxical when I said my life is slow. Perhaps I meant mundane? Or boring??
I think of myself, 2 years back, and I see someone oozing with confidence and passion, determined to make an impact by herself. Sadly, I have lost this passion over the last couple of years. I have been consciously feeling that I am slowing down physically. Things that I could deal with are no longer my cup of tea. Somethings are always on my to-do list, the only reason they are on that list is because of my vanity. I know I can't get these done by myself, and so I keep procrastinating. I often sit back and wonder about the purpose of what I am doing. It feels like I am facing a midlife crisis where I question everything in my life. My priorities have undergone a change and perhaps, I am still trying to find a balance between what I have to do and what I want to do. As of right now, it has been a daunting task and I am failing miserably at it.
When I look at my older pictures, I feel a distinct line separating the person in the picture from me. It's invisible but indelible, very much there, something only I can perceive but can't shake off. I admire that person, her courage, her enthusiasm, her can-do-it attitude, the sacrifices she made, the battles she fought and came where she wanted to. The person who always wanted more, was not afraid to speak up and was willing to go the extra mile to get what she wanted. Sometimes I wonder, did she take on more than she was supposed to?? How did she transform into this lackadaisical, aimless, yielding person? But perhaps the bigger question is - can she be revived? Can she really come back? I truly miss her.
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